Clinicians generally describe premature ejaculation as ejaculating sooner than you or your partner want, with little sense of control over it, and with real frustration or distress as a result. Some definitions use a rough time frame, such as about a minute after penetration, but time alone isn’t the whole story. What matters is the … Continued
Two questions I ask men early on, usually in the first conversation: Are you having the sex you actually want? And has anyone ever made you feel like there’s something wrong with you for wanting what you want? The first question gets a long pause. The second one often gets a laugh, then a quieter … Continued
Have you ever had sex you didn’t really want to have? Not forced. Not pressured, exactly. Just… a yes that wasn’t really a yes. You were tired. Your head was somewhere else. She initiated, and saying no felt like it would cost more than going along. If that sounds familiar, you have a lot of … Continued
Here’s something most men were never taught: the feeling of wanting sex and the feeling of being stressed, bored, lonely, or wound up are built from the same wiring. Faster heart. Shallow breath. Pressure in the pelvis. A sudden sense that you need to do something. When that feeling hits, most men have exactly one … Continued
There’s a term from the 2012 film Savages. Blake Lively’s character uses the word “wargasm.” I’ve thought about that word a lot. Here’s what I think it actually points at: trauma doesn’t just sit in your memory. It sits in your body. Combat, danger, sustained survival mode – that charge doesn’t leave just because the … Continued
Viagra and Cialis are genuinely effective medications. For a lot of men, they solve the immediate mechanical problem – blood flow, in the moment, on demand. That’s real, and it’s not nothing. But I regularly talk to men who are taking one of these medications, getting a physiologically functional erection, and still dreading sex. Still … Continued
A lot of men start TRT expecting it to be the fix. Blood work comes back low, testosterone gets corrected, and the assumption is that everything downstream — desire, erections, confidence in bed — will follow along automatically. For some men, it does help, at least partially. For a lot of men, it doesn’t fix … Continued
Most men who come to me have spent years treating their own arousal like a liability. Something to manage, hide, or override. What turns them on feels arbitrary at best, embarrassing at worst – a glitch they’d edit out if they could. Here’s a different way to look at it, borrowed from a sex researcher … Continued
At some point, most men I work with asks a version of the same question: is this a kink or is this the pattern talking? He’s found himself drawn to something specific… a scenario, a dynamic, a type of content and he doesn’t know what to do with it. Is this just who he is … Continued
In my experience, most men don’t stop to ask where a specific turn-on came from. They just know it’s there, they know it’s oddly specific, and they’ve usually spent more energy hiding it or feeling strange about it than actually understanding it. That’s worth changing. Not because every fetish needs a tidy origin story, but … Continued